Sock Emergency (etc) Bill 2014
BE IT ENACTED by The Queen’s most Excellent Majesty, by and with the advice and consent of the Commons in this present Parliament assembled, in accordance with the provisions of the Parliament Acts 1911 and 1949, and by the authority of the same, as follows:
Section One
[1] For the purposes of this Act –
“sock” means any garment worn upon the feet to separate them from footwear, which may be of end length extending from below the ankle to the knee.
“odd” means non-matching in texture, colour, shade, length, degree of wear and tear.
“public place” means any place to which the public or any section of the public has access, on payment or otherwise, as of right or by virtue of express or implied permission at the time.
[2] It is an offense to sell socks in pairs.
[3] It is an offense to wear odd socks in public.
[4] Retailers will sell socks in packs of minimum of three.
[5] Any person testing positive for Odd Socks will be sent home immediately and quarantined.
[6] Testing will be carried out in accordance with World Health Organisation guidelines.
Section Two – Exemption
[1] Knee length socks shall be exempt from this Act as they are too awful to wear sincerely.
[2] Colour-blind persons shall be exempt from full extent of this Act. Patterns must match.
Section Three – Punishment
[1] Violation of this Act should be punishable by a strict telling off by the Prime Minister; and community service not exceeding 100 hours, to be undertaken wearing shorts, sandals, and knee length white socks.
[2] Wearing “Friday” socks on a day that is not Friday is punishable by imprisonment.
[3] Remedial courses are available at the discretion of the local authority.
Section Four – Commencement and short title and extent
[1] This act shall come into force immediately.
[2] This act may be cited as the Sock Act 2014.
[3] This act shall affect the whole of the United Kingdom.
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